Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Why Women Go for Men That Are 'Just Not That Into Them'

Loyola Psychiatry Expert Weighs in on Women Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

MAYWOOD - He's not asking you out. He's not calling you. He's not marrying you. He's disappeared on you. While many women might rationalize this behavior and hold out hope for a fairytale ending, writers from the hit show "Sex and the City" will respond with the six little words that will grace the silver screen this week.

"He's just not that into you."

A Loyola University Health System relationship expert weighs in on why women pursue men that are just not that into them.

"Many women believe that they will be able to change a man's mind and persuade him to live happily ever after with her," said Domeena Renshaw, MD, author of Seven Weeks to Better Sex and director, Loyola University Health System Sex Clinic. "However, women cannot change men. They can only change how they react to them in this scenario."

Renshaw, who also is a professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral neurosciences at Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine, states that low self-esteem also may be to blame for this phenomenon.

"Women send signals that they do not value themselves, when they repeatedly engage in situations or relationships with men who are not interested," said Renshaw.

Women also may make excuses for unclear behavior, because they feel strongly about these men and have not come to terms with the fact that their feelings are not mutual.

"I encourage women to concentrate on finding happiness within themselves rather than waiting for men to call or commit," said Renshaw.

Society also encourages women to believe that their worth is measured by their ability to find and keep a man. Therefore, they ignore social customs, which say that males should pursue females.

"If women can learn to empower themselves, give themselves due credit and know when to walk away from a dysfunctional situation or relationship, it will free them up to meet someone who is genuinely interested," said Renshaw. "We should learn from experience and understand that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and recognition."


About Loyola University Health System

Loyola University Health System (LUHS) is part of Trinity Health. Based in the western suburbs of Chicago, LUHS is a quaternary care system with a 61-acre main medical center campus, the 36-acre Gottlieb Memorial Hospital campus and more than 30 primary and specialty care facilities in Cook, Will and DuPage counties. Loyola University Medical Center’s campus is conveniently located in Maywood, 13 miles west of Chicago’s Loop and 8 miles east of Oak Brook, Ill. At the heart of the medical center campus is a 559-licensed-bed hospital that houses a Level 1 Trauma Center, a Burn Center and the Ronald McDonald® Children's Hospital of Loyola University Medical Center. Also on campus are the Cardinal Bernardin Cancer Center, Loyola Outpatient Center, Center for Heart & Vascular Medicine and Loyola Oral Health Center as well as Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine, Loyola University Chicago Marcella Niehoff School of Nursing and the Loyola Center for Fitness. Loyola's Gottlieb campus in Melrose Park includes the 255-licensed-bed community hospital, the Professional Office Building housing 150 private practice clinics, the Adult Day Care, the Gottlieb Center for Fitness, Loyola Center for Metabolic Surgery and Bariatric Care and the Loyola Cancer Care & Research at the Marjorie G. Weinberg Cancer Center at Melrose Park.

Trinity Health is a national Catholic health system with an enduring legacy and a steadfast mission to be a transforming and healing presence within the communities we serve. Trinity is committed to being a people-centered health care system that enables better health, better care and lower costs. Trinity Health has 88 hospitals and hundreds of continuing care facilities, home care agencies and outpatient centers in 21 states and 119,000 employees.