Loyola Psychiatry Expert Weighs in on Women Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
MAYWOOD - He's not asking you out. He's not calling you. He's not marrying you. He's disappeared on you. While many women might rationalize this behavior and hold out hope for a fairytale ending, writers from the hit show "Sex and the City" will respond with the six little words that will grace the silver screen this week.
"He's just not that into you."
A Loyola University Health System relationship expert weighs in on why women pursue men that are just not that into them.
"Many women believe that they will be able to change a man's mind and persuade him to live happily ever after with her," said Domeena Renshaw, MD, author of Seven Weeks to Better Sex and director, Loyola University Health System Sex Clinic. "However, women cannot change men. They can only change how they react to them in this scenario."
Renshaw, who also is a professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral neurosciences at Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine, states that low self-esteem also may be to blame for this phenomenon.
"Women send signals that they do not value themselves, when they repeatedly engage in situations or relationships with men who are not interested," said Renshaw.
Women also may make excuses for unclear behavior, because they feel strongly about these men and have not come to terms with the fact that their feelings are not mutual.
"I encourage women to concentrate on finding happiness within themselves rather than waiting for men to call or commit," said Renshaw.
Society also encourages women to believe that their worth is measured by their ability to find and keep a man. Therefore, they ignore social customs, which say that males should pursue females.
"If women can learn to empower themselves, give themselves due credit and know when to walk away from a dysfunctional situation or relationship, it will free them up to meet someone who is genuinely interested," said Renshaw. "We should learn from experience and understand that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and recognition."